March 06, 2009

some melancholia

In the span of your life, how many people have you known? How many of those people became friends? How many of those friends became good friends you keep in contact with regularly? How many of those good friends became friends you can really count on when you need a comforting hug?

How many acquaintances became strangers you wouldn't greet on the streets? How many of them became shadows through the wash of time gone?

Still, there are some of them who have faded away in your life but whose touch upon it will always be borne by you.

xxx

I saw the photos of this group of people whom I know and who in the time that we worked together, were considered to be the people I hang out with.

Looking at the photos, it felt as if time didn't pass by them as it had me. I could still recognise all of them, perhaps even imagine the kind of conversation that they likely had. To some extent, I could even picture myself seated among them, contributing my sceptical 2cents worth to whatever the flow of the discussion was. As used to be usual.

But, no. That of course, did not happen. Instead, from somewhere rose a feeling of melancholia and perhaps, even sadness. I felt excluded. To be objective, it's strange that I should feel this way, especially since these were merely people I hung out with when we worked together, my ex-colleagues. Not even my friends, if you catch my drift. Perhaps it's because of the nature of the work that we were at, I've always felt the people from that period of my life belong to an exclusive group of acquaintances. There are certain things that, I feel, can only be shared with them and they would understand perfectly. Not just understand. They, I am confident, would be able to emphatize instinctively. Hence, seeing these people in photos, together, I felt excluded from this circle which I imagine to be an exclusive one.

Don't get me wrong, however. I haven't walked away without keeping some invaluable friendships with some of the people in this circle. In fact, I can really appreciate that we've been keeping in contact on a regular basis. When we meet, we still talk about what's closest to our hearts and sometimes, the last few years haven't seemed to have passed too.

xxx

We all know in the passage of life, there will be plenty walking in and many walking out. Of those who walked in, it will take effort from both sides and in many ways to make stay. Mostly, we make our choices. Yet, sometimes, we won't need to choose, as the current of time, the juggle of priorities and the change inherent in all of us will decide for us.

Even out of the choices that we make, we can't make stay the ones that are not meant to stay.

Do you think life is about the choices we make? Or about the choices that we can't get to make?

After awhile, I believe, it doesn't really matter. I can make choices in my life, but it's beyond me to make ironies in life. The best choice to make is probably to be fully aware that somewhere, in some time, an irony is waiting to be unleashed.

Life is short. Have fun, and stay around for the next joke.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:53